I am halfway finally!!!

Bit of a delayed update but been a bit slack on keeping up on things

Anyhow i am officially half way through now, i was excited to go last week as it meant i was one step closer to this crap being over with! But now i am on a bit of a downer with it, the rest of it seems so far away until its finished as well! then radiotherapy to follow, but still it could be worse i guess

Side effects still suck but not as bad as first few rounds, i feel crap still but i think its just a crap i am getting used too

i am scared re the change over next week though, they assure me side effects are a lot better, but i am not convinced until i see for myself, i sure hope so though!

I have to wear ice gloves with the next four treatments of Taxol, to save my nails, i hope it works as i really like my nails, i have long nails and would like to keep them that way but again another we shall see, bad enough with no hair would suck to have shitty looking hands as well!

My eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning out now as well, so i gather they will go too. I will be the hairless and faceless woman, but it's not forever i guess

I am eating better this week at least, been having cravings so that helps, my body probably decide to crave things so i would eat, anyhow for the moment its bacon, really enjoyed it the other morning, now i want bacon with pancakes and maple syrup, mmmmm, might leave a note here and hope it appears tomorrow morning for me to heat up and eat

otherwise i am over it all in general but i get like that when i feel crap, just hanging for friday to get here so i start to improve again and can leave the house and do something, although it hasnt stopped raining here so feeling crap has worked in well with the weather at least

might try and sleep now, was supposed to go to bed ages ago but ended up stuffing about instead

Here we go again!!

I truly did live in hope that i would be ok this time, how delusional am i!
Someone just said to me "you're not delusional - you're obviously trying to stay in a positive frame of mind - and more power to you, you're not letting it ruin the GOOD times" and they are right! But atm i will have to read that back later as its not working, but was a good way for them to put it out there to make me think differently about it, if that makes any sense

I am in such a horrid angry mood, i just don't want anyone around me, i was tempted to break my mums fingers off when she clapped earlier, i just don't have any patience with anyone when i feel crap! anyhow i have decided to take a chill pill and hope that the anger and tension i feel right now subside a bit

I just want my life back!! I know i have so much to be thankful for, i am thankful for what i have every fucking day! how much more thankful can i be and still get dealt this bullshit???

anyhow hopefully next post isnt as crap as this one

later