What a nightmare this is!!

Tuesday it started to kick in properly as i expected, OMG to how bad it got though

my body was like an acid bath, even my nose burned, i woke up at 3am like i was having a heart attack, like a huge rubber band was around my heart constricting it, and the burning was unbelievable, plus my blood pressure goes so low that i am so dizzy, i can only walk a little bit then have to sit back down

i was supposed to be on tablets for the acid burn but they gave me a rash so couldnt take them, anyhow went to gp and he gave me some other type and they worked thankfully, i think he is worried i am going to take too many of the anxiety pills but i said to him even if i just take them for that week where i feel complete shit, surely my body cant get too used too them, dont need them otherwise

it took me 40mins to make a salad last night for dinner, had to sit down while cutting stuff, was so ridiculous!! i am usually not a get up and go type who is running around anyhow, but you sure realise how much you can normally do when you cant do it

otherwise i slept the whole night last night with no wakeups thankfully, mouth is still crappy but not as bad as last time so far, so i will live in hope the white cells start picking up and i will feel better in the next day or so

just so depressed that i have to keep going back when i know how bad its going to be, but now i have proper acid tablets hopefully next time the burning wont be so bad if i start taking them on the monday, but i think chemo is just more powerful than any tablet when it kicks in anyhow

No hair and feel crap!

Chopped the hair off over the weekend, it was falling out in clumps anyhow, its just really short atm, but the rest of it will go soon i guess

Chemo is kicking in now so feeling crappy, mouth is starting to go and going to have a hard time eating i think, which doesnt help much

otherwise felt ok over the weekend besides yesterday, went to shops and was exhausted, just cant do much at all without being exhausted really

anyhow hopefully only feel a bit off for a few days then ok again

the sleep caps i got are pretty crap, they slide off during the night and are hot anyhow, the wig is ok though and i am used too that

Kids are used to the scarfs already, well havent taken much notice really, so thats good anyhow, too hot too wear the wig around the house all day

till next time

Chemo Day

Was a busy day today, had blood test at 10.30 then had to wait around for 12pm appointment with oncologist, he was good and listened to all the side effects i had and altered drugs to hopefully stop them, we shall see

then i had to have thyroid scan, hoping nothing shows up on that, should know tomorrow if they sent it to my gp like i asked

Then they gave me chill pill earlier so i wouldnt freak out with drip going in, so that kicked in, it still sucked and i yelled out oww a bit but didnt scream like last time

i have a script of them now, so i can take them before i go so they kick in

so legally stoned at the moment, have to say my mind is reasonably blank lol, not even thinking about going to find kangeroos lol, like i wanted too last time

my hair is still steadly falling out, thought i was ready to shave it the minute it started, but i am not ready to do that, so will just let it go until clumps come out then shave it i think, my eyebrows look thinner today as well, so guess they will go too

who is going to check me out now? nonone! well only to feel sorry for me, guess i will get over it

Got a gift today of tyre caps, the things you screw on to cover where the air goes into a tyre, i have no idea what they are called lol, anyhow, they are pink ones and they look cute :) I had planned on pimping my car up so they will look good
thanks to the sender :)

Had up and down days

Friday wasnt too bad, but i overdid it by going shoppping, needed to get out though, friday night i decided to have a few drinks because i felt okish, gee did i pay for that! think i will give that idea a miss for awhile in future, i woke at 5am with the worst heartburn pain and felt like i was going to be sick

then i slept most of saturday away, just felt crap all day

woke up ok this morning and decided i didnt like how the whole house was laid out furniture wise, so DH moved it all :) isnt he nice :)

i am happier now its in its new spots, still have this acid feeling in my stomach and burning tongue, very annoying, but otherwise it was an ok day

hope the rest of the days until next one arent so bad, i am dreading going again because i know i am going to feel like shit again and i wonder as it builds up does it get worse?

Still have the hair so far, i got a really sore scalp last night and had read that could be the first signs of it going, but its still there for now, i am not hopeful it will stay though, although i did flash back to the old duck and her only losing her fanny hairs haha

anyhow someone with some hair extention knowledge was telling me my hair only has to be 3 inches long to get extentions put in, so sounds like i dont have to wait forever once it comes back to get them in, going to start saving soon so i am prepared to run out and get them the second i can!

Got another gift if i didnt mention? cant remember, but was a lovely scarf, some puzzle books a card and a breast cancer pen, was lovely of them to think of me, was perfect timing too as i was having a horrid day that day

anyhow till next time

Feeling a bit better today

Seems average feeling is the best i am going to get, so i will take it

Stomach is very raw atm, forcing myself to eat, guess its better to feel crappy with a fuller stomach than an empty one

I have read a few times now from others who have had chemo, you feel fine the first couple of days then its like you have been hit by a truck, and they are not wrong, its exactly how it feels

I would feel a lot better if my stomach would settle down, but i guess its just a side effect i will have to put up with

I feel like shit!!! officially!!

this sucks!!!

i think is it mind over matter, so i try and fight it with my mind but its not, it just sucks!!!

hopefully the day gets better so the kids have a better day, i cant take them anywhere because i have to keep running to toilet, this is bullshit!!!

anyhow i could say it could be worse, but really i dont see how i could be at this point in time

but the day might improve, can hope for that i guess

Argh!

I so don't want to be one of those complainers, maybe i am already one? i don't know

the last few days hasn't been so great really, but still they could be worse, i could be in bed and not moving, i am close to that energy wise but still not in bed, so thats something i guess

Today i had a craving for mac and cheese, had to have it, so dragged myself off to the shops to get it, and i am exhausted from it, completely exhausted from a short trip to shops!

I am so full now from eating it that i don't feel great either, overdone it i think, but how is going to the damn shop over doing it?

how i am going to amuse a 3 and nearly 2 year old all day tomorrow when it takes me 3 hours to recover from a trip to the shops?

Anyhow i will get there, just a glitch is this bullshit path

My parents went home before, i told them i was fine, i am not really but they need the break i think, anyhow they said to call them if needed and they are not that far away if i do, plus i have others around if needed

whinge over

Still going along

Felt a bit ordinary the last couple of days but nothing massively bad

just aching bones and constant tiredness

no sickness as such so i am thankful for that, i have a constant dry mouth though and that is really annoying me, i hate dry mouths and throats, hope that doesnt get worse

hoping the tiredness wears off, thinking of maybe just pushing forward and just doing things instead of resting, think the resting might be making my tiredness worse? guess i will learn as i go along

not much else to update really

Had Chemo today

Besides me yelling and carrying on about the needle going in, it was ok, didnt feel a thing otherwise, well the stuff is a bit cold but nothing major

they decided i needed a chill pill (cant remember proper name for it) so i chilled well lol, then when leaving i said to Mum that i had cement boots on a walked like i did lol

i feel ok, i am completely stoned still from this chill pill, and wanted to go driving to find kangeroos, then i figured i couldn't really drive having drugs, so i thought i could ride eldest kids pushbike instead, this chill pill works that for sure

anyhow went to bed but cant sleep, must be steroids maybe, and my back is aching badly and i feel a touch sick now, not much, just a touch queasy really, so might try and sleep again

i am so hoping tomorrow i wake up ok, feeling a little crap i can handle but hoping not to wake up sick

oh re the trial they randomised me and i didnt get the drug, i had decided to leave it up to fate so that was ok, and means that after chemo and radio i am done with it all

My nan it seems has breast cancer now, its not confirmed as yet but the report indicated it was cancer, she said to me that the lump will be going with her, and i dont blame her, she is 91 and happy to just leave it be, if it does turn out to be cancer then it would give me a direct family link to it now as well, wish i could of got it at her age rather than mine though, well presuming she has it i would hope neither of us got it at all, but i gather you get my point there

till next time