I had life long insomnia before all this so i am kinda used to it, but i am exhausted!
It's so weird, i keep thinking, what do i say to people, it seems so strange now, i had an operation and as far as it goes they got all the cancer out, so in theory i am cancer free and fine. But then i have to go and have another op and chemo etc just in case, seems so weird to say i have breast cancer, when really as far as i know i don't anymore!
Sick to death of thinking about it really, it's all i can think about though
And i am scared of what's to come, i am starting to feel physically fine again after the last op, and now i have to go back into the unknown again, wish this was just it! I could deal with that just fine!
And i decided i am going to organise a wig soon just in case, i have never looked in the mirror and thought wow wonder what i would look like bald or wow i might shave my head for something different! And i figure i would rather do it while i have my hair and it's not so confronting if that time does come
It all sucks, i still laugh and i am still me, but it sucks!! What if i die from this? sure it won't be tomorrow so probably shouldn't be thinking about it, but it's very confronting when something like this happens to you, you don't have a choice but to consider the what if's of it all!
anyhow might try and sleep i guess
until next time
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment