Surgery date is coming up so fast!

The time has flown by, Monday isn't far away at all

I am kinda down that i have to go back again, but more so because i am nervous that the results wont be clear, but i try and keep thinking that when i was first diagnosed the surgeon said i had a very slow growing type of cancer, so i have to hope that it would mean it was gone and its just a precaution type of thing, still have to try this and hope for the best rather than jump straight to a mascetomy

My breast is so swollen up still, the surgeon said it fills up with fluid and that eventually it will sink in, bummer, because its looking pretty damn good, it wont after monday though :(

God i hope this is it re surgery though, its just the process i dread so much, will get there at 10am again and then probably wait until god knows when to get the op, i know thats just the way it is, but because i have done it before i know its going to be so friggin mind numbing there, anyhow no choice in the matter i guess

I have been keeping busy and it's doing me the world of good, today i thought about it as i always do but not as much, went out all day and night today and it was good to just get out there, i was sitting around wallowing in it and i knew i was, so getting out a couple of times this week was helpful and i shall try and stick to it now, need to keep myself sane

Had big drama's with finding another house, found a perfect house which was a lease take over and got approved no problems, then the next day the tenant decided not to break their lease, gggrrr, i was so pissed off because i had rang and cancelled another application i had in. Anyhow the same agent approved me on two houses and told me to choose, one being the one that fell through that i had chosen, so we just swapped to the other one, exact same house but on a smaller block, really would of preffered the other one for the big money its going to cost us! anyhow maybe the other one was just meant to be

On better news my husband done a terrific job on a project at work so hit them up for more money, they seemed open to the idea and they are having a meeting next week, i sure hope he gets what he wants because we will need it with the massive rent increase we are taking on

Rent prices here are beyond ridiculous, i looked at an older style single storey home, nothing fancy about it, then for 10 dollars extra i am getting a two storey near new condition home, it just doesnt make sense, stupid how they work out pricing i think

So anyhow we are moving on the 12th of September, so at least i will get some recovery after operation on monday before the moving date, the owners here have been great and i have really appreciated that they extended my moving out date to help me out re recovery for this next op

I am thinking i wont have much trouble re recovery this time around, it was the lymph node removal that caused me all the pain and grief last time, so hoping its simple, hopefully i am not kidding myself anyhow

My parents are arriving back tomorrow, they are still not well and i didnt want them to come back, i said its day surgery and that my husband could just take the day off for it, but Mum wouldnt listen and is coming back down anyhow, i understand that she feels she has to be here to help me and thats great, but if she doesnt look after herself first then where will i be? Noone can get through to her though, i told her she is crazy!

Anyhow hopefully Monday is simple, i am just worried though that as soon as i go back the week after they will then start organising chemo, that i am not ready for and never will be!!! scary shit that i dont want to face at all

Heard today that a friend of mine might have cervical cancer, i really hope that she gets some good results if they do more invasive testing, poor thing at first thought she was pregnant then they said she might have liver cancer, then said her pancreas is not functioning properly and now this, will have to ring her to find out more but i doubt she knows more until further tests anyhow, scary time for her!

thinking of testing i must remember i have to get my thyroid scanned, can someone who talks to me online remind me to find my referral for that, i keep forgetting about it, guess i should go get it checked out, they thought a cyst but wanted to investigate further, i think i put it in the i dont want to face that just yet basket

guess i should go sleep, i have a sore throat and wasnt feeling great earlier, hope i am ok tomorrow as i really just want to get the op crap over with, actually i just wish this would go away!

fingers crossed they dont try and kill me with morphine this time, well it wont kill me but it made me pretty stuffed up, so hopefully i dont deal with that again anyhow, still considering writing it on me but i probably wont

anyhow seeya on the other side of the operation day