How can i have cancer when i feel so normal?

It's such a surreal feeling, your sick on the inside, mainly in your mind, dealing with this crap, but otherwise noone can tell

I noticed at daycare that the teacher is not talking to me, she is usually all over me chatting, she avoids me now, maybe she is just shocked, i don't know, it's a bit weird, but i guess everyone deals with things differently

I am going to start packing up the house with things we can live without before surgery date, might help later down the track

I hope my past with recovery comes into play after op, i usually bounce back, but i had open surgery for gall bladder years ago and referred pain is the worst pain i have ever felt in my life, even tops my first very traumatic birth, they assure me i won't get it this time as its only through skin not muscle, if anyone did get it then i do not want to know about it thanks!

I am still trying to ring the breast cancer place, i have so many questions to ask, but i still can't make that call, very hard to say it out loud still

You know i feel my subconscious knew this was going to happen, when i went back on pill weeks before lump appeared i read the paperwork with it, which i never do, and i even said to husband, i am not sure about taking this, it really increases your risk of breast cancer, so wish i listened to myself back then, might not be dealing with this all right now, and just other little things that i remember, it was like i was getting warned about it, maybe i watch oprah too much lol

Forgot to say yesterday, when husband was reading the hospital date letter his hands were shaking, it's really scaring the crap out out of him, he has been so cranky with kids, i said to him the other day when he was carrying on 'You need to calm down, It's not their fault!' he said they had a knife they got out of draw, i said 'I mean in general, it's not their fault!', he seems to of calmed down after that, i know his stress levels are high but taking it out on kids won't help either

This crap does really happen to everyone, sure i have to go through the physical part of the journey and ponder my longevity in the world, but it affects everyone around me just as much as it affects me, like i have said it just scares the shit out of you all

I am so unmotivated with everything, it seems so surreal to just go on with your day, but i don't have much choice

I have been looking at wigs as i said, found one i like last night, and i figure if by some stroke of luck i dont need it, i can always resell it later, but sadly the odds of me not needing one are pretty low

Anyhow might go ring the cancer place while i am feeling brave and kids aren't about, then i can actually hear lol