Surgeon's appointment

I met up with a female doctor first, who was lovely and supportive and understood how hard the last week would of been on me, she filled out a heap of paper work, explained about the surgery and touched on further treatment

The surgeon then come in and explained what he would actually do, they have decided to do a lumpotomy and removal of lymph nodes as its there as well, he said it is about golf ball size so not small but not huge either, he said that i would have a dent in breast and nipple would probably sink in, sounds lovely! After he walked out husband said well thats good, i said well not really its still half a breast going!! but he meant that it wasnt as dire as he thought, a double mastectomy!

There was sooo much to get through, i seen 4 people, the doctor, surgeon, breast nurse and the person who works for the guy who puts you to sleep, cant think of the spelling there, it was a whirlwind of information thrown at us, if anyone is reading this and having to go through this, I highly recommend you take someone with you to help you later to go over what was said, i thought some tests were in a building and husband said no that was for your pre admission, so glad i didn't have to think so much, he picked up what i missed kinda thing

I have a battery of tests this week, tomorrow i have echo cardiogram, not sure why?
Thursday i have CT scan of other body parts and next week i have a bone scan, they just do them all as routine, and i was so relieved, yet scared that they do, relieved because i would rather just see if there is more there, but scared because what if there is?

I have another appointment on 22nd with surgical team and operation will be within 30 days of today, i would have a guess at 28th which is a Monday, i kinda hope so, i want to get one night out in before i have to deal with all this crap, they could shock me and make it before the 26th, pretty depressing seeing as my 36th birthday might be spent in hospital or in recovery!

The surgeon said it is slow growing and even if i had left it another 6mths it would of probably been ok, which was a huge relief with waiting for surgery. I had a big feeling it was contraception pill related, as i had started taking that weeks before the lump appeared, i was right in that thinking, i don't believe it caused the cancer but the surgeon said it just helped it grow and come to light faster, otherwise i might not of found it all until 12mths later or something, i cant take anything with hormones in it now

They were panicked because we use no contraception and they are worried i will end up pregnant during it all, i refused an IUD, always thought they are linked to cancer, so no thanks!!

Our only other option is permanent solution, pretty shitty thinking about it really, so i wont for now, but we wont be stupid about anything, living is my priority atm, not more children or dealing with the trauma of an accident happening mid treatment, we are fine to forgo it all anyhow while we just sort our heads out and make a decision'

I am feeling ok, i will be devastated if they find more, i don't know how i will cope at all if that happens, i just have to feel good that i found a lump and within weeks its getting dealt with, i don't have to live with the guilt of kicking myself that i didn't get that checked out, i know i didn't muck around with it, thankgod!

I will just have to take it one test at a time, at least the next few tests are all scan type ones, not invasive, but i have to drink two bottles of some white stuff in prep for ct scan, hope they taste like antacid lol, i like the chalky taste

anyhow i will update when something new comes along, just glad to be feeling a bit better than last night, that was horrible!